Amelia

We'll be a dream

2012-01-22T00:41:00.002+08:00

2012's starting really really well!!!(:

Met with the girls -
Shab & Ruth for dinner on the first week of school! Everything's so much better with them around~ -beams-

Elv Joy & Bel :) I know we all changed (for good and worse) but we're still here for each other and that's all that matters <3

CNY Celebration!

hiding at the back with Cheng and the rest, watching them rape each other.

Super entertaining :)

ARCHER SHIRT :D #PLpride

"Cheng why your mouth always that O shape one." HAHAA

Accept you all the same(:

The quality of the photo's quite bad but I'm really glad I went for Yixiang's wedding!!

What a joyous occasion(:

SO CUTEEEE. I really wanna nua like the panda everyday.

School's not so bad when I get your text just when my mind reminds itself of you :)

Don't really like the thought of taking A's this year with intense competition and higher goals or being constantly compared to the rest of the brilliancy in TJC. There's also close to no time to do other things apart from Choir/work if I want to get >6 hours of sleep everyday. Am handling it okay right now though, just hoping I'll be able to manage my time well for the rest of the year. :)

Going off to sleep and get my much-needed rest before the visiting starts! Nights.

HAPPY CNY readers! :)

XIN NIAN KUAI LE

WAN SHI RU YI

SHEN TI JIAN KANG

XIN XIANG SHI CHENG!

2012

2012-01-10T18:57:00.002+08:00

Happy 2012 dear readers! :)

2011's been a whirl of a journey and I can hardly believe it's already 2012 D':

Basically 2011 was filled with roller-coaster rides of figuring out where I stand, restarting the study momentum, missing PL, families in friends and most of all, changes.

It's given me the blessing to have met

OG 10!!!!!! :)

Gerlai, Azwyn, TanYing, Yujian, Justin, Jiakhee :)

My awesome and really smart 08/11

Topping the cohort yet knowing how to have actual real fun (:

My precious Choir!!!! :)

SYF & its disappointments/Concert & the satisfaction + Hawaii(!!!) in March :)

There's so much I have gained from being in Choir, and leading it. Looooove.

SLCamp Group!! :)

This was probably where I felt the most passion and love for TJC. When a congregation of TJCians came together in hope to strengthen the college spirit, where encouragements were strewn and new friendships made; Walking in slumps together, running around in 10kg bags, all the way to Malaysia and surviving crazy camp, that feeling - It made me feel like I finally belonged(:

2012 started with a good feeling, a very warming sensation settling when I entered the gates and met everyone again this year. It felt like we went through so much as a cohort and how we grew from complete strangers to best of friends/company.

& the success of our Open House + flash mob Mass Dance is a reflection of how much everyone has grown to love our green school (apart from the uniform).

+ all the uncategorised yet equally important people I met along the way

I love Temasek Junior College, no regrets.

Everything's playing out in my mind like a running film, how I'll never be able to rewind to those times, but it will always be sweet memories to look back upon. There's only 1 year left here, and I'm definitely going to treasure every single moment.

That said, the big A's year is here My final major exam before I can finally lax out of the school system(: I'm not prepared, but I'm just going to continue to study hard and trust God.

So to all my J2 friends:

"I like that feeling.. The end of missing someone because he/she's in your embrace."

:')

Have a great year ahead!

Busybusybuzzybeeezzz xx.

Christmas

2011-12-27T00:57:00.002+08:00

Christmas was spent with very little expectations but it passed by with a lot more joy than planned. Quite obviously I have been busking in the mood of snowflakes/ Santa/ presents/ Jesus and not touching that pile of homework STILL there. No regrets though, hohoho.

Still dreaming of a white Christmas!!!

23rd was spent with the church mates! :) Haven't been around them in eeeeeeeeons and it felt great catching up with some of the loveliest people. A lack of Christian company in Temasek has definitely made me appreciate them a lot more :)

$16 mini-golf/ fun @ the weirdest stations ever/ missing the 1-hour interval feeder bus/ Carls. Jr and me being a glutton/ back to Church for Wii and KinectSports/ surprising my special birthday girl/ weird card games/ snacking till 4am/ truth-or-dare/ sleeping only from 6-8.

T'was great company (:

24th was family dinner @ my fathers' side! :) Awesome food, as usual.
+ rounds & rounds & rounds of charades/taboo that I obviously failed miserably in.
+ lovely gifts :)

25th; family dinners' @ my mums' side! :)
Food food food and more food.
+ my Uncle who flew back from UK/ Aunt & family from Malaysia/ funny experiences/ good catch-ups.

I guess the best part of Christmas was being able to spend time with family

+ 1 month MIA lonelyboy101 hehehe
+ my girls (but on Whatsapp sigh)

Hope your Christmas has been wonderful too :)

"For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given." Isaiah 9:6

Vacancies

2011-12-21T02:02:00.001+08:00

With every passing day that draws closer to Christmas, apart from being reminded by the heart warming fact that Jesus Christ died on the cross for me millenniums ago and my immense gratitude towards everything He has done for me,

I am also painfully knocked that 2012 is just round the corner - A levels.
And I'm not prepared. As much as it's going to be a very exciting last year of my JC life, oh how time flies, I'm not ready to take on the very heavy responsibilities. For Choir, for my studies, and much less the brain to finish the A level syllabus. Followed by the rewardingly painstaking process of finding a university and the results, oh the horror. In need of another undeserving miracle to plough through the dreaded 2012.

To top it all, I have a PILE of homework untouched. 12 GP essay outlines, 2 comprehensions, an Econs project, 7 Econs essays, 3 Chem tutorials, an entire Chem planning book and its questions, E-learning, 2 Physics papers & 2 Maths papers.............

... Oh how could I ever underestimate the power of Temasek Junior College and its crazy departments of insanely sadistic teachers with too much paper at hand they find it necessary to fill them with assignments. Plus I have effectively less than 2 weeks to complete them.

..... OKAY I OFFICIALLY DREAD THE START OF SCHOOL.

/shall try to enjoy the rest of my ~~holidays~~ study break.

Mistletoe

2011-12-17T00:36:00.004+08:00

No idea which crazy person took these zilians (which became the wallpaper of someone else's phone for weeks!! (; How cool hehe)! Okay it's mid-Dec and I'm shit screwed. Don't even know what I've been doing to pass my time but oh.. Well.. Let's take it slow.

Like these pandas! (soooo cute I couldn't tank)
Anyway, this photo (I got from Tumblr) struck me so bad a few nights ago:

So, so often I found myself exactly like the little boy, crying - terrified, fearful, helpless. And my heart would be hugging my father; Desperate. I didn't ever want to let go, whether he was leaving or back. So many times the Army couldn't disclose where he'd be going; Too often I didn't even know when he'd be back, I could see him for two nights in a row and be so grateful.

This photo holds a connection with me on so many levels. But saying any more would be too personal - I just really thank God for keeping my father safe through these years he goes outfield on some godforsaken island (:

Met some friends the past week, swam, ate baskin robbins, caught up, did nothing! Therapeutic and relaxing. Amanda and I catching up(;

Shall now retreat to my sad life of waiting and waiting and waiting....

Till next time! xx

Synergy

2011-12-06T00:45:00.002+08:00

It's December! :) The last month of 2011 and Christmas season. Spending it with mostly PL-lites. Next year's gonna be hectic and I wanna make sure I can strengthen each friendship before we start intensively leading separate lives again. And I realised I'm always randomly updating my life. Doing so because there's nothing else to do and no one else to ramble to. :(

Had a sleepover with Sylvia, Bel & Alicia!!!! Really high, going crazy drinking, dancing, singing, scaring the shit out of ourselves watching Paranormal Activity. A night to remember :-)

Met the blackies (again!!) for Coldstone!!! (:

Dyingggggggg volunteering at Standard Chartered Marathon overnight. Caught Already Famous with Sylvia before that - The both of us couldn't think the next morning heh. But it was good, class CIP was more successful than expected!

Missing the boy who flew off to Chiangmai to climb climb climb climb. Mismatched holiday schedules. Lonely December ):

On a brighter note, I woke up to his Whatsapp and that brightened my day. So thank God for overseas connection and wifi. (: Shall preoccupy myself with friends, (maybe) church camp activities and I'll be flying to Bangkok on Thurs! (:

And I need to start studying. Before that, hunt down and claim the lost motivation rightfully mine.

Camaraderie

2011-11-25T23:19:00.004+08:00

My random update on my life is back :) Life's quite good. Didn't attend most of the lecture of lecture week because there's absolutely no point. Apart from Choir (which has started intensives), nothing much related to school is happening. Caught up with some old friends-

Sirui & Olivia,

GIRLS of 08 Cycling session! :)

CLASS OUTING @ SENTOSA!

Love you 08/11!!!

And we surprised Niki @ her place!!! Super successful operation hehe. Love my girls. Will trade a lot of things to be with them always (:

"Your VJ friends celebrated your birthday a year late, we are only a day late. Thus we are better." Amanda and her absurd conclusions :)

Till next time~~ :)

In remembrance

2011-11-10T19:52:00.005+08:00

So lately, life has been all about the norm - Mediocrity, finishing obstacles after obstacles (except this time I'm really DONE with A levels for J1), hanging out, meeting up, living life.. Mmm, hoping to possibly obtain some tranquillity in life when the holidays officially start (25 November).

FINISHING CHINESE A LEVELS WITH A BOMB followed by a short catch-up with THE church friends. Dinner, talks, comfortability. (:

Hanging with the childhood friends from 10pm - 2am the past Sunday. It was really fun (tiring no doubt), haven't seen them in awhile and knowing that our 17 years of friendship is going to blossom into something more, something stronger - makes me smile from deep within.

And here's our delighted faces brimming to the END OF A LEVELS PROJECT WORK with the last segment - oral presentation! (: All the best to the rest of the groups who aren't done yet hehe.

Class outing at Udders for free ice-cream (that we won vouchers for) hehe. Super shiok! :)

And here's a short tribute to the girls I miss on a daily basis. The girls who make everything right, who can turn frustrating missions (like finding my way to ECP) extremely humorous, the ones whom I most want to spend my holiday with -

I'm glad we're five of a kind(:

More than love

2011-10-23T22:30:00.002+08:00

Happy 17th to me.

My birthday was a big big blast. :) Love, gifts, surprises from my beloved smart CG08/11, darling TJChoir, my own family and the next few days of cards and more surprises from PL friends.

I once told myself all I wanted for my birthday was to spend time with my girlfriends, and I got so so so much more than that. The gratitude and thanks is overwhelming; For everything, everyone. All the plans, time and effort spent into making my birthday more than just a day that belongs to me. It was one I truly will not forget. An eye-opener as well, to the presence of warmth in TJC. :)

Ohyes!

I'm going to be a J2 next year ^~^ Starting my journey to A levels already, with Chinese and PW in the next few weeks. Need to buck up and wake up because I'm obviously not going to go very far if I keep getting E's for every subject.

Oh, and here's to a H1 in Physics. Hehe.

The best

2011-10-14T21:58:00.002+08:00

Happy 95th Birthday to the school that’s home to many, and where my best memories were made. An institution where God was placed above all else, the way we prayed before every exam, how the teachers will “bless these ladies your wisdom.. Bless our girls..” and make us tear. A circle of caring staff that loved us no matter what, who made it our second home.

Even if we aren’t a Band 1/2/3 school, even if we don’t produce excellent results, that doesn’t make us any less an excellent institution. Maybe in terms of academics, yes, but the effort the teachers put in, the fun we had in school, how we are accepted for what we are (low PSLE aggregates all), how our best was enough.. In my honest opinion, all these are more important that what our average L1R5 is. (just saying)

So thank you, PL, for being the best decision I’ve ever made, and for being many generations worth of constant tower of refuge.

… God I miss it so damn much. 10 years isn’t enough.

______________

Could hardly focus in school today. I miss everything. My girls, the English, THE LACK OF SCHOLARS, the mindfuckery in Lit classes, the culture, the prayers, the teachers, the extremely comfortable concert hall, the absence of immature humans (aka the male species) and most importantly, the warmth of it all.

/Retreating to my hole of depression
Falling ill.

Therapy

2011-10-09T01:10:00.002+08:00

Class girls!! ^.^

Retarded Marists & Victorians!

And my awesome 08/11 who won the inter-Delta sports competition.

$130 worth of Udders ice-cream ^^

Just groups of people who make life in TJ a little better. Anyway, I'm too free now. Been watching Vampire Diaries, going crazy over their looks, PW, tumblring and basically doing absolutely nothing. It's fun though, treasuring it while it lasts :) Oh and I'm super burnt because of the sports carnival, hoping to get tanner hehe. Choir practices are getting really intense now, with Hawaii and competition season coming really really soon. Results are coming out soon... How fast. Sigh, short-lived fun. :(

Hope I'll be back with good news!

Weightless

2011-10-06T22:29:00.002+08:00

Hellohello, the month of the lovely exams and birthdays. I welcome you, with greatest pleasure and widest of arms :) Now that Promos are over (and hopefully I don't have to sit for the R test), everyone's so busy going crazy over PW and (not really for) A Level Chinese. Wondering what my expectations are for these subjects, and maybe where my motivation wandered off to. But I know that by 8th November, all this shit will be done and I'd be ready to move on.. to J2 :O

Time flies.. I mean it really, really, really flies. This time last year I was still thinking about wearing the (other) green uniform, never expected myself to end up in TJC, gaining so many good, worthy friends and having so much fun. Never thought I'd finish Promos, or even face A Levels. Always something so far-fetched. Things do happen for a reason, always knew that.

School isn't all that bad when there are people around who can make the worst day good. It really isn't all that bad when you know you're loved no matter what, no matter how, and at least, irregardless. Looking back on how I integrated with my OG friends, classmates, the Choir/seniors, camp friends, friends of friends.. It's interesting, twisted and awkwardly cool.

Now that promos are over and I'm (more) free, here's to late night talks, catching up on TVD or any other serials, sleeping in, sleeping late, sports carnival (wth) and meaningless lessons :) Results are going to be out soon... So for now, let me party. And I'll come back with news.

(in my heart)

2011-09-21T22:31:00.003+08:00

To everyone feeling super duper stressed & depressed about Promos, let's do this together. It's gonna be one hell of a road but it's just 7 more days and it'll be the start.. And then it will end(: Feels like an impending apocalypse but we'll survive anyway. Like O's. Heh.

And to all my PL friends: I can't wait to meet all of you after dreadful promos!!! :) Hopefully we all promote together okay, none of us should be left behind -heartshearts-

All I'm hoping is to pass and keep my 4H2s. (while the rest strive for H3s/As/topping cohorts) Do your best and God will do the rest. :)

Thought about this the other day.. How difficult it is to open up and accept people in your lives, and more so to get others to confide in you. How you are either acquaintances or friends who share each others' secrets. How easy it is to let others take advantage of your trust/to suddenly enter the bro zone with just anyone. And then how painful it'll get when someone decides to leave, and escape your friendship. Just because it might not be worth it anymore. I can sit here and build thousands of walls around me, but what good does that give right. I'm making more friends than losing, so I guess, it's still better to have faith in humanity while it proves to be worth it(:

thank God for you

The past brought her to black

2011-09-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

Just some bits from my tumblr that really spoke to me... :)

There's only one day left of my September holiday.. I'm going to die from a brain that's being saturated with information every single day. Sigh... Spending so much time in school and meeting all the slcampers makes me miss it so so so much!!! I really want to go back there, where I used nothing but my five senses to feel/see/hear/touch nature. Where promos didn't exist, and the one thing we worried about was going to the toilet. I want moreeeeeeeee ): But thank you TJ for such a wonderful experience(:

Should stop dreaming and get back to studying.

your hug... home :)

Mission (I'm) Possible

2011-09-06T10:02:00.007+08:00

Just came back from the most amazing camp experience ever :) My first time living in tents, sleeping with the bugs, running across Singapore with 10kg bags, dealing with bees, watching guys run away from bees, building rafts... :)

Day 1 was about the nomadic race. Carrying 10kg bags running around Singapore... I SWEAR I ALMOST DIED.

Imagined my face when I found out we had to climb fort canning park):

Happy me after lunch! ^.^

Finally in Malaysia and in the firefly cruise(:

Randome person:"Omg got monkey there!!!"
Me: "Where's the monkey? I don't see it): "
Enoch: "There! -points at me-"

.___.

Day 2 was water rafting and trekking (which I didn’t go for cause of my injury). Rafting was interesting - The bees were super scary though. Must thank God for my groupmates who accepted that I completely didn’t know how to tie the ropes for the raft and was hence useless. (:

Our wonderful raft!!! I contributed with eye power(:
I remember day 2 for the night. The 3rd best part of the night was saying interesting stuff about ourselves and playing Shoot Shag Marry with my group hahahahahaha. Hilarious bunch of players~ (:

The 2nd best part came when the few of us girls invaded the boys’ toilet because our water supply had a glitch. :) So picture a scene of topless boys in sarongs running around in fear and the girls trying to look un-pathetic. It was fun though. Yasmeen’s “8 girls in bikini in the open shower guyssss” made me laugh like shit while bathing, hahaha. :)

Oh the best part was with my midnight party gang. Ghost stories, I have, I have never, Shoot Shag Marry (: Made so many new friends, heard confessions, confessed. “I have never had a girl crush before.” “I have never survived on two wheels for more than 2 minutes before.” HAHAH the confessions that led to utter disbelief(: Even though we slept for only 1.5 hours that night and totally K.O-ed on the bus back to customs.. It was definitely a night worth remembering :)

Day 3 was playing, reflecting, talking and writing notes.
AWWYEAH my midnight party gang \m/
SLCamp 2011 Full Strength! :)
So much for what happened.

I learnt a lot from this camp, definitely. I thought it was going to be just another camp where I'd make new friends, new leadership skills, gain new experiences and memories. All these were a large part of the physical part of the camp, but there was so much more - The leadership skills, the passions, the different viewpoints..

The one thing I never thought I'd gain from this camp was a spirit for TJC... A passion that has died for 7 years, waiting to be rekindled. I can feel my life getting better in TJ, I can feel the spirit coming back. I can't believe it, but I guess TJ had increased its importance in my heart. One day this passion might die down, but at least for now I'll remember that my heart was truly touched by Yong En's speech. (:

I miss camp :/

and you.

Pulling me into your gravity

2011-09-01T23:02:00.003+08:00

Student Leadership Camp tomorrow.
I am positive I might not be able to come back in one piece. Gonna amazing race in Singapore before heading over to Malaysia for 3 days... Highly doubt my ability to stay sane. Borrowed a huge-ass bag from Brian and now I look like a turtle with a really tall shell! If you see a group of big-bagged TJCians running around Singapore tomorrow, you'll know it's us! :)

Went to Niki's house yesterday to borrow some clothes and camwhored!!!!!!! Haven't seen/talked to her in suuuch a long time even though she lives just one floor down.. Hopefully the holidays will give us a time to meet! :)

COMFY MARIST SINGLET HEHEHE

Goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee then everyone! And have a good time mugging for your promos/enjoying life while I suffer in Kota Tinggi! :)

why are you not..!!!!

gonna miss you daaaaaaamn bad :/

This one's for you and me

2011-08-23T21:47:00.007+08:00

Before I proceed, let's make a pact.

I present to you the photos and you keep a straight face no matter the result of my smiles :)

-pinky promise!-

Played hide-and-seek today, trying to keep the card out of people's line of vision. First time I planned a surprise! Constantly liasing with the rest was super crazy hehhh but yeah, worth my late-night and tiring day! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHIPMUNKY :)

Hope you enjoyed your birthday having to beg for 17hugs and having your face constantly smashed... And your favourite cheesecake!

"If you had smashed cheesecake onto my face, I would lick it up just to eat it."

(yes this is the face i was talking about. k let me hide in one corner now. )

my card! :)
(importance on the super cute climbing stickman!!!!!!!!)

Off to continue studying!!!

Promos in a few weeks and I have NO IDEA how to pass. Just gotta keep pressing on~

you know that i could use somebody,

someone like.

you.

The fight

2011-08-20T22:59:00.003+08:00

The people I can connect to on all levels are still the PL-lites, and the few other friends I made before TJC happened to us. An institution where language is regarded as a useless skill, where people choose time to study over an enriching experience, a place where respect is demeaned, where religion is belittled, a place akin to hell.... Only a few of my friends make tjc worth all this shit.

"Why are you unable to let go of PL so much? What's so special about it?"
"Tell me the number of places you can step into and instantly feel at home. Some people can't even feel that in their own homes. Tell me which principal will say "Welcome home, dear." and force tears out of their ducts. Name me a school that doesn't put academics first, where respect is above all else, where the teachers believe in you more than you do yourself."

... My PL pride has been getting out of hand, but none of that was exaggerated.

I really, really wish my parents didn't disagree to ACJC. ):

Not an option

2011-08-07T09:06:00.005+08:00

Woohoo 6 day break right now!! Hope it won't pass that quickly... Very soon I'll be back in that hell hole sighhh. Anyway there's this Nike Inter-TJ-CG competition for every class to clock in the highest amount of distance in a week! And 08/11 has been leading but constantly threatened by different classes):

And I ran like 50km the past few days!! Everyone is shocked at my accomplishment (because most of the time I'd just give them the "kill me first" attitude. My legs are literally on the verge of breaking down.. Hope it'll be worth it in the end!

These are the class girls that have been through hell with me!(:

Anyway, spent the whole of Friday (achievement day holiday) with Calista Jiaks & Brian talking for 6 hours and not studying at all.. haha oh well.

Whooo~~ Jiakslim! One of the bestest friends anyone can ask for!!
Cheer up buddy!

Oh in case you're wondering how I suddenly became so fit as to join titans, I'm not lah hehehe. I just happen to love cheap thrill a lot so I stole Brian's shirt and wore it! :)

Ok time to prepare for tuition! :)

it's driving me mad, i miss you so bad...

This melody was meant for you

2011-08-02T22:39:00.003+08:00

Everything is going downhill...

But in the midst of all this trouble, I thank God for having been here all the time, and placing special people in my life to go through all this shit with me.

Make me your radio

2011-07-31T23:44:00.003+08:00

Some things I fear,

some things I don't.

Others I love,

the rest are in oblivion.

Fear is the constant in my life, I feel. Everytime I get through something, another problem comes along that brings with it immense fear. Right now.. It's all-in-one. I'm just praying God will bring me through all this, cause it's getting a little too much to take.

The one thing that keeps a smile on my face. :)

Homecoming 2011

2011-07-25T21:54:00.002+08:00

"And on behalf of God, your parents and your teachers, I say to you:

Welcome home, dear."

Saturday, I went back to the only place I will ever feel like I belong in. And I cried, I cried when I reached home because I knew it was over.. Because I felt so, so empty. Being there made me feel right back where I left my mind, my soul and my entire self. I felt complete.

Now I feel lost.

(H1) GP: D

Chinese: C

(H2) Physics: S

Chemistry: S

Maths: E

Econs: E

I'll come back stronger for promos. Iwillnotretainimustnotretain.

You and me

2011-07-19T22:02:00.005+08:00

Hello, I passed my JCTs :)

Term 2 has been okay.. I'm in Physics & Chemistry remedial but that's not too bad. Science has always been my weakness. PW is madness. I feel like I'm about to burst from all this Project Work. Hmm, Choir has been improving too. Not too bad for the fact that there's only a few of us after JTS!(:

I really, really like Miss Liew. She went from “The chem rep should do better than this.” in Term 1 to “Eh Amelia, I like having you as a chem rep eh.. you better move on to next year with us” today. With all the shit a chem rep has to do, obviously she’ll like me because I’ve persevered for so long haha! But really. That was motivation from a teacher I truly needed some from. :)

Quite sad that Harry Potter has ended ): Oh well. I'm going to catch it for the second time on Thursday! :)

Every teardrop is a waterfall

2011-07-12T22:02:00.003+08:00

My class ranks 1st for Chemistry, 2nd for Mathematics and 3rd for Physics. I guess that really says something, and proves my intuition right. I knew 08 was too smart a class for me. Even though I did relatively average for every paper, I'm still (almost) bottom of my class. It's demoralising and disturbing, but I guess it's what's going to push me forward all the way till the end of next year.

I'm so sorry my blog's so boring... Haven't had the energy or time to update it anyway. Sigh.

Just when I had you off my head, your voice comes crashing through my quiet bed. You say you wanna try again, but I tried everything but giving in.

New Divide

2011-07-04T00:30:00.005+08:00

2 years ago, I lost a friend to suicide. 2 years later, I'm stronger, happier and more positive(: I dare say I've been through many ordeals a normal teenager wouldn't have went through, but I guess they were all a part of making me who I am today. I don't love who I am now, but it's better than being something else..? Anyway, to you, B, I hope you take care wherever you are right now (L)

July needs to be good to me. I can't take any crazier months!

You got that smile....... That only heaven can make :-) This venturing into unknown grounds, stepping into an abyss I know (quite obviously) will be hard to get out of, this breaking of walls to completely let someone in; Where is the limit? Do you let someone take hold of everything you have and just place trust that they will never break that promise? Or do you keep things in and engulf them with secrets? I don't even know. Trust, I guess, as we all say. But trust is still an intangible word, after all. Everything else is... Uncertain.

Haha too much thinking going on.. Too much for my own good. Hmm gonna have one more day of proper rest before everything starts piling and rushing in like a tsunami again! :-( I pray for better time management, acceptance for my horrible JCTs results, time to play and study and good grades.. Maybe. Oh, I don't want to conform too much to the TJ Culture as well. Haha, it's horrible. Really, horrible.

too bad it never really happens the way we want it to.. but everything works out for a greater purpose so let's just trust.. Trust, again.

And so we blink

2011-06-30T22:54:00.003+08:00

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii the dreaded JCTs are over :-) No more studying-crying-desperatecalls-randomtexts-latenights till Promos arrive. TJC has grown to me, I think. Studying for JCTs made me realise I have 1.5 more years left here so I better treasure it until it's gone for good. I know life could have been different somewhere else, but maybe this is what God has in plan for me. And it's not like TJ's treating me any badly anyway :)

HAHAHA MY EXACT THOUGHTS EXACTLY.

This was me studying and feeling really frustrated!!!! :(

And my reaaaaaaaaaally good friend Calista whom I spent celebrating the end of CTs with :)

Going through a difficult time........ not a sad one though. Just one of figuring out feelings, thoughts and occasional other emotions.

Anyway now that exams are over, life in Term 3 (2011 is passing way too fast) shall begin!

Wish you knew

2011-06-24T12:20:00.002+08:00

It's the last Friday of the holidays :(

Don't think I'm ready for JCTs but it's gonna bring itself on anyway.
Hope it doesn't own that much of me.

Same old change

2011-06-20T23:05:00.003+08:00

This is me, loving every part of my TJ life, but hoping so badly I'd be able to recapture those same moments soon enough. Hello 6 Kindness, 2-2, 4A1, PL Choir, Peer Lites and my bishan-library gang: I miss all of you :')

Moderation used to save me

2011-06-16T21:58:00.003+08:00

Holidays, or study break, as the Junior College kids would call it, have been surprisingly refreshing. Been studying a lot, but not enough. I'm akin to a little fish hoping for a bite of that food in the waters while the other fishes ignore that measly piece because it's not enough for them. JCTs are set to kill, and brutally murdered will be the result of me. I have never been so sure about anything before. I would die for straight E's actually. Haha, what has become of me..

And I miss PL really, really badly. I don't think I've ever said this on my blog before, but there's not a day that goes by that I don't find myself recalling the sound of girls laughing, the smell of perfume that draws me in, God's word preached every single morning and the comfortable feel only this one school can give me. A part of me refuses to let go of all those happy moments, the kind that will make you cry, the kind that makes you miss everything, the kind that reminds you you were once so blessed with things you never appreciated. I browse through the blogs of J2s, and even seniors who have already graduated from respective JCs and polys, and I see how all of them STILL miss PL, I guess I take comfort that I'm not alone in this nostalgia. But sometimes I wish something would actually make me feel better, that I wouldn't look through my photos and turn on depressing songs just to relive those days and find myself to have unstoppable tears. Countless nights have gone by, when I truly relish what "Look up, Lift up" really means, and why "when we leave its sheltering walls, we (have and will) go with fearlessness". A decade spent in this school has brainwashed me to a certain extent I'm sure, but at least I know that's why I keep holding on to this and feeding it with memories.

Transition was never, ever easy for me and this is probably one of the hardest ones. A brand new environment, actually having chinese-speaking friends and being in a top institution scares and turns me off sometimes, but I guess I'm just going to have to trust that God is with me on this. TJC has been treating me well despite it's shortcomings, I must admit.

Now I need to find that true-green mugger spirit in me and set myself on nerd mode.

You can be the heart I spill on the pages

2011-06-08T20:54:00.006+08:00

Something I've learnt from the past 1.5 weeks of the holiday.

Anyway, here's just a brief update on what I've been up to! Cleared the Choir cupboard with the dearest commitee last Friday! :)

Met up with Leah at Starbucks, studying and talking on Saturday :)

Studied in school on Monday with random people who appeared HAHAHA.

(ended up watching Chuck on Brian's computer as well)

Studied and Caught X-men with Sean on Tues (:

Met up with Bel & Joy to study, talk and bake today!! :)

Yupp, so things are going quite well!! :) Thank God for the June Holidays. Even though I have to study and there are so many commitments waiting for me, I've finally had the time to meet and catch up with people I care about, and some whom I owe time to :)

Academics wise, I'm quite dead, just hoping to pass all my Commons, quite the opposite of what I was back in PL :/ PDP wise, I'm quite glad things have been going smoothly :) Everything else.. Has been going well actually. Ok time to study, sigh.

You can be the chills I feel on our first date

You can be the tear that I cry if we ever split/

Atelophobia

2011-06-02T23:43:00.004+08:00

I'm not saying this is going to be easy,

I'm telling you it's going to be worth the fight.

Now let me hold your hand

2011-05-31T20:07:00.003+08:00

This song has been in my head all day! :>

On stranger tides

2011-05-31T00:20:00.003+08:00

Hellohello!

So today I tried something new.. (actually not really) I went out with the girls from 08! :> Headed to Vivo to watch Pirates of The Caribbean which was super duper good. Then we camwhored at the rooftop(:

WEITING!

JASMINE!

CALISTA!

AISH & CALISTA!

ORISA :D

And just spams...

Thank you, all of you, for giving me such a great start to the holidays. For being one of the smartest shits around and for tolerating the even-smarter guys in our class with me. For tolerating all my tantrums and love stories LOL. We have 1.5years together and I know our friendships will grow into something greater in time to come.

Adios amigos readers!

xx.

Miss Invisible

2011-05-28T19:04:00.004+08:00

HAHA Ryan: "This is the face you're gonna miss"

Sure enough. I miss it now!! :(

Smashing Mr Ee's face with a cake for his farewell :>

08/11!!! (L)

SCHOOL'S OUT! Hehe, never felt more thankful for a holiday than right now. I've been stretched way too far this term, with crazy PDP commitments and everything else. This break, I will recuperate, rejuvenate, refresh and relive.

1. Catching up of school work.

2. Date people out!! ;)

3. SLEEP!

4. Shopping (GSS! GSS! GSS!!!)

5. Choir camp + planning for events!

TJCHOIR DINNER!!

It was a blast!! I had so much fun with these people I love. There was no age barrier or section dividend, there was only love. I love the choir, really.

Our faces as we screamed "HOLIDAY!!!!!"

The big boss & small boss(:

My predecessor! Hahahaha

My only section mate!! (:

Loveeeeeees(:

You don't seem to realise that as long as you're trying, I'm staying.. :)

One in a million

2011-05-25T16:56:00.009+08:00

So here's the announcement - I got Vice President of TJChoir :')

It's the beginning of quite a long journey, one that involves heavy commitment and dedication. One that requires me to be able to balance my studies, PDPs, relationships and health extremely well. I don't know if I will be able to do it, but I'm hoping I'll be able to, with God's help and the committee's support. Sigh discipline, Amelia, discipline.

That said, I really thank God for placing certain people in life. The ones that don't leave when things turn bad, those that promise to stay, those that understand and care without expectation, those that make you smile from your heart just when you thought you had no reason to even fake one :)

Staying

2011-05-22T23:45:00.003+08:00

Today was a good day(:

Let's go week 10, let's go!

Announcements/Tests/Happy events coming up so stay tuned!

XOXO

Turning tables

2011-05-19T22:23:00.004+08:00

So let me formally introduce my classmates(:

The awesome ones who came down for my concert(: Thank you guys *muacks!!

Ryan & Calista.. My close buddies ;)

Calista again! Serious camwhore partners we are(:

The few who watched Priest!(: (+Louis)

And this is my entire class for you, (without 1 girl and 6 guys)

They're the ones who've helped me through every disappointment, cover up for me when I forget to do my tutorials because of choir, they understood my commitment levels for the past weeks, they made lectures fun, they make life bearable.

So yupp. Thank you 08/11, for being more than a class (L)

I wouldn't trade you'll for another class, really(:

It's great knowing I have somebody to turn to whenever life frustrates me, when obstacles blur my vision and when I don't see what's worth it anymore, but most of all, I feel great because you're always here no matter what, fighting and keeping me edging on(:

Someone like you

2011-05-17T22:31:00.002+08:00

I'm scared, and excited.
Thankful.

Wild Thinks!

2011-05-15T00:04:00.006+08:00

Fever for the 5th time in 4 days. Record-breaking immune system really :( Think it's too much over-exhaustion. Well, people's get well texts and the little details and love they pour on me are getting me through this(:

Concert was awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (L) Even though my fever came back halfway through Seussical, I had hell loads of fun up there singing and dancing! The music we made was awesome!(: I really thank God for the company and how everything fell perfectly into place last night(: Glad we made music, we entertained, we did everything we set out to do. I’m so proud of all of us!! Hehe, thank you all choir mates for such an enjoyable performance! Our half a year of hard work has finally paid off :’)

Thank you to all who came to support too!(:

Courage

2011-05-12T09:34:00.000+08:00

Please stay strong :/

When the shooting stars dissolve

2011-05-09T22:39:00.002+08:00

Nothing beats having a soulmate calm you down with the melody only the two of you recognise.

God knows what we're fighting for

2011-05-08T09:54:00.002+08:00

Happy Mothers Day Mummy <3

You're the best mum I can ever ask for, always protecting, caring, loving and being there for me. The sacrifices you made since 2005 hasn't just disappeared in front of my eyes, the love you've so readily given all your mother-life has only etched deeper into my brain. It's because of you I can make it from the 2nd last class in P6 to the 2nd best in Sec 1, to the top class in upper secondary and finally be a part of a top 5 junior college. From friendship problems to adjustment issues, leadership difficulties and relationship qualms, you've been there for me right from the start. You don't give up on me just because the world has. Keeping stuff away from you is difficult and I'm sorry (if you ever find out one day) but there's truly nothing greater than a mother's love. Nothing can express my gratitude and my love for you, too. Thank you for everything(:

"You feel like paradise, and I need a vacation now." ;)

Mad rush

2011-05-07T13:09:00.005+08:00

It won't always be easy, things can be deceiving, we might brush in conflicts. There is no time for us, but there's always a will so there will be a way. Let's venture into unknown grounds together to find out what we can possibly truly become.

A PI to complete, Chem lecture test to study for, Physics to improve on, Maths to practice, an Econs essay to attempt, a GP summary to write, a score to memorise, a Mothers Day dinner to go for, all to be done today whilst hoping distractions don't set in so easily :/

Sweetest thing

2011-05-05T22:11:00.006+08:00

Yes, even if it's just a half an hour break in school(:

Time is sadly, not on our side.

Honestly can't ask for a better class, a more united Choir or a more wonderful JC experience. Everything seems to be going right. Most of the time I'm really really exhausted but I know things are going to be worth it in the end(:

I'm struggling to balance my academics, PDP (I have practice every single day until Concert Day), social life and all which requires 24/7 commitment. When I dedicate time to one, I give up time for the others. People get angry, relationships become strained and difficult.. I think I'm gonna go crazy soon but this is me promising to keep trying because it may be tiring but it's not worth giving up :>

Guess my no-revision-everyday life has taken it's toll. Received a 5/32 for my physics lecture test. LOL what. a. joke. It's so low I burst out laughing at the paper hahahaha but I'm okay, I don't really care that much actually (:

So goodnight guys, hope your life has been good too :>

SYF 2011

2011-05-04T22:28:00.002+08:00

TJChoir was fantastic. I could feel the magic and the music in our pieces, we walked off the stage without regret and that was important(: Super tired during the practice I went high laughing at everything.. Have to learn the Jap pieces properly though, still a little shaky :/

As for the results, I think we got less than what we deserved. There was hope in all our hearts to be reaffirmed about our capabilities and not being able to attain that was largely disheartening. Couldn’t take the disappointment so I stopped tolerating and broke down after Choir. Bawling my eyes out made me feel a lot better though(:

And no, I don’t think the TJ Choir is a silver Choir. For a choir of this number and one that only started learning the pieces 3 months before the competition, we have come a long way together and that’s all that matters. We have outdone ourselves - In our hearts we are nothing less than an honours choir (:

Thank you friends, for being friends indeed and you, for just well, being you(:

Positivity

2011-05-01T23:08:00.003+08:00

Today was a good day although it was filled with tuition and slacking around in Orchard Central. I think I'm beginning to get used to the JC curriculum so it's all good. The only thing I should be worried about now is Choir. SYF's on 4th May, I really want to go up there and put on the best show I can. Having Choir every single day has been tiring; the lack of time and rest I have has made me extremely exhausted and how I managed to survive so long I really don't know. But I guess when you know people are mentally supporting and loving you.. You naturally do your utmost best(:

"the lack of time makes you realize how important time is, and why you do what you do.. with the people you wanna do it with(: "

Leap of faith

2011-04-30T16:34:00.007+08:00

I've found a reason, to do my utmost best in everything, to smile, not to give up when circumstances make me frail, to not let myself give in to the trials of life; but most of all, I've found a reason to live(:

I've heard a best friend relationship is the strongest type of relationship(:

Truly, throughly

2011-04-27T23:31:00.005+08:00

"it's hard to be apart from someone that you care about."

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T22:43:00.000+08:00

Bring it on, Term 2 Week 6 (:

Fearless

2011-04-23T19:15:00.004+08:00

I kind of really abhor PW :( It's taking up my nights, life and a sane brain.

11 more days to SYF and there's a scary fear tingling up in me. Today, I disappointed myself and the comm members who had faith in me. I disappointed people who thought I was so much better than I was. Being the only part in my section was no excuse for putting up such a horrible song. Good game, Amelia. I'm picking myself up now. There's no time for regrets, only improvements and constant achieving.

There are some people who come into your life and make every horrible day turn beautiful, staying through the bad times and the good; They want to know your misery to tide you through, they don't just pack up and leave. Every moment you feel worthless is made worthy because of their presence. Slowly but surely, they tear down the walls you built; And you fall. You fall so hard for them.

It's crystal clear, you're my whole world

2011-04-16T10:16:00.006+08:00

Apart from reaching home 3 hours before 12am every single day, accumulating huge eyebags owing to the lack of slumber coupled with excess homework, life has been pretty stagnant.

Many have come and go, a few stayed.. But you're the only one who matters(:

Time for homework and revision. I NEED A LIFE SO BADLY but, well...

Retaining.. has honestly never been so real to me.

Takes a good fall to know;

2011-04-09T11:43:00.001+08:00

If one day I actually start to matter like I used to,

do let me know.

I wish, upon a thousand stars

2011-04-09T11:38:00.003+08:00

Hellohello :)

This week has been a long and arduous one; late nights spent crying, days spent regretting.. It wasn't easy but I've redeemed and recovered. I'm back to the same ol' me, just stronger and better (: My views have been a little jaded though, it's hard to confide in anyone because well, their care and concern makes me feel very obliged to cheer up. Plus I'm too tired to listen to anyone, which is bad, but I'm not gonna change just because people expect me to live up to their expectations.

This is unrequited friendship at its' worst.

You can't play on broken strings

2011-04-05T21:55:00.003+08:00

Hello.. In the span of approximately 1 week, I am ashamed to say that I have been to hell and back. Things I worked so hard for got taken away just like that. No, I fought my guts out to save it, to hold it, to not let it disappear. But I guess I should have realised long ago that people change, they leave and sometimes they say they won't but they just might. And we all need to stop expecting cause we will always and forever be disappointed.

Right now I'm holding on to this thin hope. This small array of light that maybe, just maybe, you'd know what I feel about this. Everyday I have a void, waiting for you to fill, and you haven't let me down.. But please don't start to because I really might just die.

Have you ever cried so much, your jaws ached, your breath couldn't flow and you're just breaking down to nothingness?

Have you ever felt so alone in a crowded room?

Have you ever felt that nothing was ever gonna be right again?

2011-03-26T23:50:00.001+08:00

Pictures frozen are becoming clearer

2011-03-26T23:37:00.004+08:00

I spent my entire Saturday rottingggggggggggg. Rot rot rot rot, that's all I ever do. Projectile Motion, Quantum Shells, Price Inelasticity of Demand and all the shit that comes with JC is really killing me. I don't seem to be doing anything about it except whine though, lol. It's just really difficult to get my mind out of partying, of just socialising. Studying's so tiring D;

These days, well, I haven't been feeling very good about myself. Inferior. Less pretty, less skinny, less everything. I don't seem to match up to the other girls in my school. It was always like that, I guess, except in PL there wasn't boys.. Ohwell. I've fully recuperated from my streak of heartaches the past few months, and right now.. I don't even know how I'm feeling. Currently needing some advice):

Jar of hearts

2011-03-23T23:04:00.003+08:00

I'm about to explode soon! Well passing all the tests so far is a really good sign but the hard work and stress that came with it is craaaaaaaaaazy. Plus it's never good enough because everyone else does well. Sigh, how pathetic. What a mundane, routinized life I lead. Homework piles up every single day, choir is making me go even crazier and affairs of the heart are just........ Suicidal.

The only few good things that are happening are that I'm finding some really good friends in people, my GP essay got praised (which means the world to me) and I'm off to PW with a good start. Better treasure it while it lasts.

I don't know but, I think I may be falling for you.

End of Holidays

2011-03-19T10:30:00.002+08:00

This shouldn't come of as surprising, but I haven't finished my homework! Haha, and I didn't understand most of what I was doing anyway.. I'm screwed, really. For JCTS, homework, lectures and tutorials. I don't seem to know what I'm doing. Ohwell. I'm starting tuition soon so I hope it helps :>

I'm gonna welcome the new term with mixed feelings. Another 3 months of waking up at 6AM, dealing with adaptations, commitments to PDPs, and being confused over every single lecture. I really never felt so stupid before I came to TJ. Kill me please?!?! JCTs come right after the June Holidays, and I really am just hoping I'd get an E for my 4 prime subjects.

How did I come to such a pathetic state?

Holiday 0.5

2011-03-16T23:03:00.003+08:00

Like Isabel posted: "I miss my sanity"

Been going through an extremely rough patch since JC started. Definitely hasn't been easy handling stuff academics, cca and adaptations aside. Coming to terms with many many different situations has made me lose my mind and well.. Let's just say I expected so much more. And right now, I'm extremely confused. About how I feel, what I'm supposed to do and why all these are happening. Eventually an answer will be given, I know. It's just the here and the now that's killing me.

Well, this is a familiar ache after all.

Week 10

2011-03-12T18:12:00.002+08:00

ALL HAIL THE END OF TERM 1!!!!!!!!!!! \m/ Honestly really really happy right now. No rush to finish homework or the agony of oh-man-after-tomorrow-it's-yet-another-week! Hmm but there're lots of homework to complete in the span of 5 days, and choir + friend commitments to attend to. I shall take it in my stride :>

So I didn't fail my math test.. No one in my class failed it, actually - which is really quite a good job considering other classes didn't produce 100% pass like we did. Hmm, but I got last in class. That did a lot to my self-esteem but after a while I figured, where I fell will be where I'll pick myself up.

I think I'm really scared of getting attached to you ):

guess what guys.

I still miss PL :'(

This picture seems to reflect the utter helplessness of the Japanese, and the aftermath of the disaster. My dear Japan, Hawaii, Indonesia, Philippines and every other country about to get hit by the tsunami or has been affected by the quake, my prayers are with you.

Week9

2011-03-06T10:15:00.004+08:00

I'm dying :( College life is killing me! But I'm starting to find enjoyment in the little things. My classmates, OG friends and PL-lites' random appearances around the school has made life more interesting and fun :) My handsome teachers add a little colour to life as well, hahahahaha.

How people can juggle between homework, studies, cca, all the school commitments and have a relationship amazes me. Really.

I have a math test coming up and I know I'm going to fail. Hahahahahahaha oh well. I don't really care.

I think the fact that I'm suddenly in an institution that produces top A level students is supposed to motivate me. But all I really feel is inferiority.. That, and the fact that I will never be like them! At least when I was a part of PL I would study hard to prove judgements wrong. And honestly I was smart there so at least there were expections I could live up to. Here...... I am but a tiny tiny tiny mediocre fry. Haha, once a PL-lite, always a PL-lite.

An update

2011-02-28T21:01:00.004+08:00

Surprise!!! I'm making a rare appearance to my blog even though I have a pile of homework (and I SERIOUSLY mean a PILE) waiting for me, so be honored. Okay I'm just too lazy and I wanna slack around a little bit before I chiong my life out to complete them.

So yes, JC life is extremely fun, but really time-consuming, demanding and challenging. I end school at an average of 5PM everyday and stay back for Choir till about 8PM for 2 days. So imagine the lethargy and fatigue I face by the middle of each week. I don't know how I find the time to come online and talk to people. (Honestly it's cause I've been sacrificing studies :/ ) It's already Term 1 Week 9, I need to get my act together and start revising.. I have tests due and homework really stacking on top of each other, like the Leaning tower of Pisa, ready to collapse and kill me.

Anyway.......................... To answer some of your very curious minds,

I'm taking PCME so yes, 18 boys and 7 girls. (which is quite okay actually..)

Hmm, there are cute boys around school

But no, I don't like any of them. (Although there are 1000 eyecandies hehe)

I shall let you in on what keeps me going to school everyday this week.......

I'M GONNA STUDY WITH MY CRAZYPLLITES THIS SATURDAY!!!!!!! (L)(L)(L)(L)

They are really friends I'd like to keep forever, and girls I'd never want to lose (:

It has been a little tiring trying to make friends though. Not to sound proud or anything, but I was a little popular in PL and everywhere I went I knew someone. From 4A1 to 5A2, from secondary 1 to secondary 5, from Infocomm to Netball to Track to Dance.. I honestly knew close to everyone. So yes, I feel a little warped and out-of-place because I don't know many people in TJ.

Sigh, shall start realising nobody really cares about my sad pathetic life..

Time to be a true green TJC-ian, and finish my homework.

Struggle

2011-02-24T21:46:00.003+08:00

I feel like dying.

CCA, homework, revision, travelling to & fro school.....................

I officially live for the weekends, and the weekends only.

Before week 8

2011-02-20T20:52:00.003+08:00

Happy 900th Day, 2PM

Well.......... I'm surprised I did all 60 questions of my GP assignment -marvels- So, a whole new week awaits, sigh. I'm not looking forward to it though DDDD: CCA on Monday and Friday till 8pm might just take any form of life out of me.

..... I wish I put AC as my first choice.

What college is

2011-02-19T19:18:00.008+08:00

1. I completed all my homework!!!!!!! Shocking, but true. I don't know how, but I did! :)

2. I honestly wish I'm in ACJC, where the command of English is so much better.

3. It's such a PAIN to constantly tell myself not to assume everyone is Christian (and yes, not everyone is. Need some getting used to!)

4. I wanna go back to PLMGS(S) and hear devotions, sing to it and go for 40-minute assemblies.

5. I miss secondary school's PE lessons.

6. I've never heard vulgarities so much till I came to college. I think I heard more of it in this 1 month than the past 16 years of my life.

7. I miss PL so so so much. Sometimes I sit in class, zone out and then start tearing cause I usually end up thinking of PL whenever I daydream, sigh. The guys in my class want to go back to secondary school and I'm no exception........ I miss feeling like I'm at home. I miss sitting wherever I want, however I like. I miss everything about PL)':

Oh right. It's a serious pain to keep telling yourself to stop being such a sucker for nice guys. Because 1) They're usually out of your league, or 2) They're just being the gentlemen they are, or 3) They aren't Christians.

College life is painful, tiring and exhausting, but I have a feeling it'll be fun and worth it.

Or at least, I hope it'll be.

When today has an end

2011-02-18T22:08:00.003+08:00

There's nothing much to update except that JC life is killing me. I'm super exhausted from tutorials, lectures and trying to understand everything. Socialising is fun though, I'll never get sick of lepak-ing with a few people and talking rot. But honestly I don't think I'll be able to handle JC cause it's really tiring............ But I guess I'll try my very very best, and hope I don't retain.

I MISS MY ORIENTATION GROUP A LOT!! ): Haha, but my CG is really nice as well so I guess I'm happy both ways. The stress is kicking in, the stakes are high. In this 5th junior college, I need to pull my socks up and stop thinking of playing. EVERYONE AROUND ME IS TOO DAMN SMART. I'm not a 'nerd' anymore, not special and definitely not able to feel good about my IQ level at all.

Looks like I'll be in for a long, long ride.

Valentines

2011-02-14T22:28:00.003+08:00

Yes this is Amelia Quek in her army-green-lao-sai TJ uniform. I know one day Temasek Junior College will be a college I hold so dear, and I hope that day comes earlier anyway. Just 2 years and the friends I've made in TJ will be but mere acquaintances.

Spent Valentines with my lovelies (L)(L)(L) I GOTTA SAY THEY MADE EVERY TEAR I SHED & TORTURE I ENDURED TODAY WORTH IT. They occupy such a large space in my heart (L) They make me feel so so so at home, they make me feel like SHIT when I wanna leave 'em. Honestly I always thought crying in public is shit embarrassing and I try not to, but today I just let it go man.. Like right smack in the middle of Nex. There're so much memories I'm not ready to let go :(

And JC life is killing me. People nice, CG nice, I miss my OG... And I made a lot of friends. Yupp.

All My Love

2011-02-13T18:47:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow's a brand new week! (: One that's probably going to be filled with phlegm, flu and a sore throat though, but I will ignore all this to try and enjoy it! :) Commencement Day is tomorrow, gonna officially be a part of TJC by then. Neutral feelings I guess? The excitement for JC life has dwindled into a massive exhaustion. I don't know how I'll deal with lessons all the way till 4PM and then go for CCA which lasts till 8. Reaching home by 9PM would only mean I have 3 hours to dinner/homework/revise.. Looks like I'd really need some good time management these 2 years.

And Valentines Day is tomorrow ;) I miss the rushing around to buy chocolates/write letters to my friends.. Thankfully I'll be meeting my beloved mates tmrw.. That brightens up my day by SO much.

Imissyou)':

The end is another start

2011-02-12T10:34:00.002+08:00

Those were pictures from O'nite! (: O'nite was a superb blast! TJ mosh pit/fangirling was epic :) Ended Orientation on an extremely high note :) These people have made an impact in my life in just 7days. JUST 7DAYS! I know things will be different a few months later and we might probably not make any form of communication again but I'm just glad I have these memories to keep :D

Hello CG08/11! :) 7 girls & 18 guys.... It was honestly a little too traumatising but then I realised it's not that bad after all, the guys are quite nice and aren't really jerks. Haha, CG bonding day was tiring..

So much so that my lack of enthusiasm almost made me get rejected by TJ Choir = embarrassment of the year and imagine my face when they told me "Okay.. We'll call you." Jaw-drop, really. Anyway I managed to secure a place.. So I guess I'll stay in Choir? Maybe audition for bowling/squash but I'm not too sure. I'll be running for House Comm too :D

Sore throat, headache, cough. I feel like dying

A recap

2011-02-10T18:36:00.003+08:00

Isabel & Elvina came down to support me during Mass Dance @ Suntec! :) Okay, more like came to see me and all the other people they know.. Anyway, seeing them in the PL uniform made me feel like I came right back home to the very hearts that love and accept me the way I am :) So mass dance was really fun but I did tear a lot before Bel & Elv left (I miss them too much!)

MY OG CLIQUE! We outcasted ourselves from the rest of the girls who formed one big clique, hahahaha. Let's say I connect with them better :) The reason why we made friends is super funny though; we formed a clique of not-breaking-promises-otherwise-your-ovaries-will-rot, promising to trust each other with uhm, cute eyecandies ;) And it was really fun, like, really really fun. It was because of them that I enjoyed Orientation, and realised that TJ has its fair share of good-looking people (:

So thank you Geraldine, Azwyn, Weiling, Tan Ying and Rachel :) You made my orientation a superb one!
MEET OG10!!!!!! (without some girls) The OG that won the clan talentnite with no rehearsal just because we have some bullshitting talent, the OG that walked during amazing race, and the OG that won (not very) fair but very square :) This is the OG that I was in, and I truly had a lot of fun with them :) From strangers to acquaintances, to facebook friends, to twitter friends and finally having real, solid friendships being built. Had so much fun! :D

O'nite pictures aren't out yet, so this is Ruth & I in the boring lecture! School has officially started and all my brain is doing is rotting. There are people actually looking at their econs, maths and physics notes and started doing them :O I honestly admire these muggers/nerds/no-lifers. Lol just kidding, I'd rather have a social life.

Anyway I'm going to try out for Choir/Bowling/Squash and then MAYBE run for House Comm :) Still quite confused though, just can't imagine myself in a CCA, really studying anymore. Sigh.

Oh yes, I met my CG already! :) It's quite sad since Brian & Deborah are in CG07/11 and I'm in 08/11 but anyhoos at least I'm making more friends now! My girl classmates are really nice! :) There're only 7 of us! Haha, I haven't actually seen the rest of the class though, since the only time we spend with each other is during assembly - which is like 5 minutes long, for 2 days so far. So I will meet the other 17 guys tomorrow during CG Bonding Day! :) Quite excited to meet my classmates for the next 2 years.

Wearing a skirt is damn uncomfortable omg.

OH YES. I WON"T BE LONELY FOR VALENTINES HEHEHEHEHEHHEHHEHE My PL girlfriends are my dates (L) I got 10 dates don't be jealous~~

Another beginning

2011-02-09T21:55:00.001+08:00

I really wanna post but it's 9.40PM and I've been having so little sleep the past few days due to orientation. So many things have happened (good ones of course), I will blog about them soon cause I wanna remember it too! So please wait for my update! :)

Meanwhile, orientation has ended & lessons have officially started.

1. CG08/11! :) H2 PCME!

2. I miss my OG! I made many many many friends and it's so sad to have to part w them like that

3. Partying yesterday was really fun. LIKE TJ JC1&OGLS PARTYING IN THE HALL (Y)

4. I don't know what CCA to join :(

I still miss PL (L)

CNY

2011-02-04T14:14:00.002+08:00

Ok so I owe my blog-readers a proper post about life as it is right now. Life in TJ started out really lonely, sad, depressing.. And it was pretty exhausting trying to make friends, to connect, to desperately search for topics to talk about so the conversation wouldn't die down. And well, I guess you never know unless you try, because I've gained so many friends! :) A really really pretty KC girl & I talked about school/culture/friends and I got to know her so much better! Plus we audition-ed for Talentnite (we got sabo-ed!) with another pianist, another choralist and a violinist. Spent most of my time with them rehearsing so I guess we got closer? Plus the violinist has a diploma in violin! Which is like awesome maxxxxxxxx. Super talented! Anyway, it's nice to have friends once again :)

Monday's Mass Dance @ Suntec and Tuesday's O'nite - which marks the end of Orientation ): And that sucks D: We have our first lecture on 9February and our CGs would be released soon after that.. And lessons will officially start. Then life wouldn't be filled with fun/cheers/games/talking anymore and all my friends will be busy! (including me) Well, guess I'll just look forward to the last 2 days of Orientation to have the most fun :D

Not looking forward to seeing my CG. Apparently a lot of china scholars are gonna take my combination as well (PCME) and I'm not afraid of the competition, more like fearing the language they'll talk to me in.. & their oily faces.. & their unshaven faces/legs/hands/pits. Sigh.. Plus I have to make friends all over again! ): Ohwellllllllllllllll.

Chinese New Year has been.. uhh, chinese new year? Caught up with relatives, took red packets, smiled as everyone congratulated me for my results and I complain all over again about the hideous uniform & horrible distance... Yupp.

TJDAY4

2011-01-31T22:10:00.002+08:00

Orientation was fun!! :) Even though the wet weather spoilt all the plans of wet games, I still enjoyed myself. Learnt 3 mass dances so far, made friends with a few people from my OG & well, I even bought my uniform already. Spent about $140 on it though, probably gonna buy 1 more skirt.. Haha, so much money gone like that........... D': Hmm, I got sabotaged into performing for O'nite a few days ago so my audition is tomorrow. Quite fun :) I got to know more people through this :)

But again, I kept my true self captive from 6AM all the way till I met Ruth at 6PM, when I unleashed my real me. It was really tiring, like really, really exhausting. And I can't help but miss PL, really. I miss being comfortable): STUPID JC1 WHO CAN'T CONTROL HER TEARS. How. Fucking. Stupid. And childish.

Ihatechangesihatechangesihatechanges.

TJ 2

2011-01-28T21:51:00.003+08:00

Orientation Day 2 was.. Okay? I was sooo sleepy when I walked into the auditorium but the OGLs were M A D! Korean songs were blasting and they were all dancing like it was 9PM instead of 7AM zzzzzzzzzz. I was forced to wake up, hahaha, quite a rude shock but interesting all the same! :) They were really nice too! Well I still haven't made a single friend yet ): And my OG hasn't bonded hahaha. Ah. Well. Gonna be a loner ): Quite hard to get used to it though, I used to walk around in PL knowing everyone ): SIGH. Well, there's school tomorrow too. Orientation Day 3! :) I hope I make some real friends tomorrow.

THUNDER! THUNDERATION! WE TEMASEK! DELEGATION! WHEN WE CHEER WITH, DETERMINATION! WE CREATE A! SENSATION!

I'm having a SERIOUS case of post-PL depression and the more I try to ignore it the more it comes back ): I just wish you will tell me it's going to be alright, like what you used to do. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm such a sad kid. AND I HAVE TO PAY 200BUCKS FOR TEMASEK'S UNIFORM pfffffffffft.

First day

2011-01-27T17:55:00.003+08:00

Temasek is every part a little like PL. Except it's far, has air-con in every classroom, does not pray and is one of the top 5 junior colleges. I'm happy in tj so I actually think I won't even bother appealing anymore. (that's if my mum allows) I need to convince her that I actually feel settled and accepted in TJ :)

Oh but I haven't made a single proper friend in my OG hahahahaha. Still sticking to my PL friends and the marists there. (Although all but 1 of them are appealing out) LOLLOLLOLLOL. Nobody's happy anywhere -.- So I should just stick to TJ and be happy. I think it's because I had no hopes/expectations of TJ whatsoever so I actually enjoyed today.

But throughout, all I really wanted to do was cry. Cry so badly I'll let it out. I wanna run back to PL and it's sheltering walls. It's too, too tiring to deal with all this choices, changes and fear.

"It matters not where you are from. To Temasek you now belong."

I think I still belong in PL.

The day before

2011-01-26T21:47:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 6AM today to send Joy off to Australia. It was such a tearful goodbye ): We're all like, what, 17 now and we still cried our eyes out in front of the departure hall. How loser, sigh. But well........ The tears couldn't express how much we'll miss you, Joy. Thank you for being so much to me. I can't write to describe our friendship but it means so much to me and I really really miss you D:

So Temasek Junior College it is. I'm going to appeal to National though. N doesn't actually appeal much to me, it's just nearer to civilization and IT ISN'T GREEN. Yupp, apart from distance and colour, I don't mind TJ actually :) I'll just stick to wherever I get in. Got my Orientation Group already so school will start tomorrow!

All I feel is nostalgia and fear. I miss the comfort and security of knowing almost everyone in the school, knowing how to cheat the system and actually recognising everyone. I miss everything )':

Barely holding on

2011-01-24T23:44:00.004+08:00

Tanned with Amanda at sentosa. So happy, I caught the afternoon sun! :) But well..... The red skin and random pains are prices I've to pay for it ):

Headed to Ruth's house after that to help prepare dinner! It was extremely delicious and sumptuous! AND I HELPED COOK SOUP AND CUT MUSHROOMS :) Everyone was so shocked... Guys I can cook okay.

I must say I had an extremely good time with my friends. Every single one of them are special in their own ways and I really would not have made it through 4A1 with 8 points without them. They tolerate my crazy bitchiness, endure my rants about the same old love story and do everything in their power to help me through whatever nonsense life throws at me. These 4 girls pretty much make up my upper secondary memories (apart from my 'chinese' clique lol)

So I thank you, thank you, thank you.

And I love you, love you, love you.

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking.

All in all

2011-01-23T21:39:00.003+08:00

Listen to my heartbeat.

It regrets ever beating fast for you.

A pool of dirt

2011-01-22T23:00:00.005+08:00

This pain is killing me.

Round and rounds

2011-01-22T01:10:00.003+08:00

Watched Burlesque today :) The movie was awe.some. The dancing, the vocals, the whole show blew me off my mind and totally enthralled me deeeeeeeep into it. Except we got scolded for making too much noise when actually it was just Niki & her usual exaggerated reactions. But I enjoyed my day out with them! Plus I bumped into Leah and tagged along to meet Christine hehehe. Invaded their privacy and it was fun catching up :) Except Chris scared me by telling me about the JAE and so now I'm really really worried.. Anyhow, I thank God for them friends (L)

Going for lunch with mah childhood friends tomorrow! (Okay technically today since it's close to 2AM) Korean BBQ. Imma break my diet for it!

I still miss you so badly ):

Wishing

2011-01-20T22:28:00.003+08:00

I miss you a lot ): A lot alotalotalotalotalotalotalotalotalotalotalotalot)))))))))): Going out with my friends has been really really enjoyable but I keep ending up thinking of you and I can't help but wonder what you're doing then, and how your life has been going. I k-boxed with my three beloved friends today and whenever we sang love songs, your face would keep appearing and I'd feel like I was singing to you, except you weren't there to listen): Tell me please, do I have a place in your heart?

This pain is so so torturous ): It's like my heart keeps contracting and hurting.. It's excruciating. ))))':

Self-esteem

2011-01-19T11:12:00.002+08:00

(Please ignore the obscenities) This guy is hilarious. I'm pretty sure he's gay all but he makes sense and I laughed for really really reallyyy long.

In our memory

2011-01-19T00:34:00.003+08:00

I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu )': There's so much that reminds me of you, so much that we could have been but we lost it all like that): Ok............. It's been really long since I posted an i-am-totally-in-love post so I shan't ruin it. Twitter is the best privacy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

By the way, if you have twitter, do add me up at twitter.com/taintedparades! :) Lol, considering I've been tweeting for 2 years now, this is really late publicity. But it's privated, so here's the deal:

Try your luck. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I mostly accept schoolmates & certain close friends. But honestly if you're not close to me, then just add me at twitter.com/memeqpy. It'll save you all the hassle; sending request, getting rejected and adding me at another account lol :) Ok I totally just sounded super ego. I'm justttt saying.

ANYWAY IT'S FREAKING ME OUT THAT MY BLOG COUNTER HITS 20+ VIEWS A DAY AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO ALL YOU PEOPLE ARE. Creeps/

On the outside looking in

2011-01-18T11:30:00.003+08:00

So because Amanda Chong Huiqi has blogged about her feelings about our clique, it has sparked in me an inspiration for this blog post. Thus, I shall be a complete copycat and do so too.

People who know me would actually know the rough time I had in secondary 3, when I just couldn't accept being a part of 3A1, and when I truly didn't have anyone in that class to lean upon. Fights were happening, bitch-blogging was all over the cyberworld, and hatred was so prevalent. Going through all that and coming to where I am now, where I am so close to 3/4 of my classmates, it makes me extremely thankful that I was even placed in it. Because as Amanda says,

"Change is the only constant."

Indeed. We now face separation, again. After 2 years of fighting, bonding, bitching, teaming-up-to-make-wgls-lessons-fun, enduring the scariest PE's teachers' PE lessons but she ended up loving us, and going through the terrifying O levels journey as a class, we now have to come to terms with never being in the same class again. These people changed my impressions of the-best-class, they thwarted my view on studying and I will stay eternally grateful to every single one of them.

To the nerds who taught me that sometimes working extremely hard isn't the only way to go and to the outcasts who taught me that being outcasted in a clique and forming a clique of their own was the saying "birds of the same feather flock together." Okay I'm kidding.

I'm thankful to PL for being my safe haven, thankful to my primary 6 friends who have still kept in contact with me until now, making me laugh at all their retarded teacher-bullying methods, thankful for my secondary 2 classmates who are still asking me out, and who go through English lessons with me, us bitching, teacher talking, to my Chinese-study-clique who went through Chinese O's with me, talking, reading, spitting, eating the Chinese language but who also, like me, now face the prospect of studying this alien language from scratch for A's again this year. Thankful to my dear church friend and no-more-classmate/schoolmate Leah for being my spiritual support and update ;) Most of all, I'm thankful to my wonderful group of friends; Amanda, Shabbna, Niki and Ruth for having been my pillar of strength every single time. Be it relationship problems, love problems, failure problems, studying problems, they were there for me. Without them, I would definitely not have been able to get my 5A1s and well, 3 stupid B3s. Thank you girls :-)

This brings me back to a conversation I had with someone, and this someone told me that I had to give my class a chance, I had to see what God can do, that one day, I will be very close to them, just like this someone never thought this someone would be with this someone's class. Lo and behold.

I can't thank all of you enough. All your love, effort, hopes and dreams for me, the amount of time you spent loving me, encouraging me, bringing me back on all the right paths. The youtube video below is a song Thank You by 2PM, dedicated to their fanbase for having been there with them, supporting them even though they went through a separation and a very, very edgy and difficult time.

Now I dedicate this song to you, my primary school schoolmates, my secondary 2 friends, my dear 4A1 classmates, my dear clique and to all who have one way or another loved me and brought me through:

I hope this will not be the end to our friendships. As portrayed by our seniors, PL-lites remain close through JC and university life. And from all that we've gone through together all these years, it is my earnest hope that we will never forget each other.

I love all of you, every single one :-)

Dream High

2011-01-17T21:17:00.002+08:00

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you.

Revelation

2011-01-16T11:41:00.004+08:00

Just got back from MBS! It was a family getaway from Friday till today. Except for the cut-internet connection and the slow 3G (because MBS made it that way), everything else was great :) Bought 2 books: The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns :-) It's been really really long since I indulged in a few novels that brought me to another world, okay, more like I've been spending too much time in the virtual world of the World Wide Web.

I guess it's time.

English: A1

Chinese: A1

E Math: A1

A Math: A1

Combined Humanities (SS&Lit): A1

Physics: B3

Chemistry: B3

Biology: B3

L1R5: 8 R4: 5

Screwed up science, really. I still don't understand how I got B3 for ALL 3 sciences. And I worked so hard for my sciences while I didn't really practice/study Lit/SS. Guess I just don't have the flair for science and I'm just more inclined towards language, sigh. Like why on Earth am I in triple science -.- Which is exactly why I was so upset. I'm sure at least 1 science could have gotten an A2 if I had just worked harder for 1 of it, but no, this is what my grades are.

Generally I improved and did better than a whole lot of others but this is just too far from my expectations of myself. Oh well, I'll just work harder from here and try not to expect too much from my incapable self next time.

Deadline

2011-01-14T13:46:00.002+08:00

So this is my JAE application and I am extremely sure that I'm probably going to end up in my 3rd choice, WHICH REALLY SUCKS. Guess appealing my ass out to NJ is gonna happen plus being on my two knees in front of this grey bukit timah college. YES THIS IS HOW MUCH I HATE TJC. For the distance, the REALLY ugly uniform, the facilities...

Okay I guess I will come to terms with TJ if I really have to spend my next 2 years in there, but till then, I'm going to fight for my NJ right. LOL, there're a lot of shortcomings to NJC too though, like the thick uniform and sickening hot and boring campus, poor school e.t.c. And I do have 2 friends from Maris Stella going to TJ and they are probably gonna be the only ones I know if I'm posted there) while I don't actually know anyone going to NJ.......... But seriously. NJ OVER TJ ANYDAY.

SIGH all these junior colleges only make me miss PL so much more. PL's so rich, like we have nothing but money LOL. EVEN THE TOILET IS NICE TO SLEEP IN. The fan in the toilet is shiok x10. 10 fans blowing at 40 students in a classroom, the concert hall used for chapel where we sleep, the outdoor cafe, the jail-looking campus.......... Most of all, the caring teachers and tight-knitted friends. I know I'm not going to get any of these in JC.

Maybe I'm just being the pessimist that I am cause there's so much insecurity and unhappiness inside me.

I miss every single one of my PL friends.

Among the wishes of your own

2011-01-13T12:08:00.004+08:00

Honestly, my grades aren't that bad. It was more of the disappointment and regret within me that compelled me to feel that way on that day. I hate expectations. I keep expecting so much from myself but I always fall short in reality. But nevertheless, I will keep dreaming and keep hoping, cause it has been proven that at least I will land among the stars.

So if you guys are still here trying to know what I got for my l1r5.. Be slightly disheartened to know I made it to the top 5 junior colleges.

Choices

2011-01-12T21:26:00.004+08:00

All I can say about the 10th of January is that it truly, truly sucked.

When my Form Teacher passed me my O level cert, all I felt was utter remorse, regret, anger and sadness. Tears couldn't stop flowing, I couldn't bring myself to do anything but walk away. Friends surrounded me, comforting, encouraging. Teachers came to me, hugging, motivating. I could see nothing, life was like a blurry haze. Everywhere, people were either shrieking in pure happiness, or sinking into pits of depression. And I, I was in the lowest level of hell.

Refusing to go for celebratory lunches/dinner, I headed back home with a very low spirit. Tears just couldn't stop. My mind couldn't function and all I thought about was how things would've been different if I did this or if I had done that. I wished the cert was lying but no, that was my GCE O Level L1R5.

Since then, I've headed down to the various junior colleges to check them out. And the one that I'll most probably be posted to is seriously the furthest shit on Earth. Therefore 1 point means a lot, because that 1 point would mean a better, more convenient JC life.

Haven't been able to sleep the past few nights. In fact, the tears follow as soon as I think of JC life. The uncertainty, the fear, the people... All I know is I'm feeling extremely lonely and barely anything can make it right. So please don't judge me because you don't know how much this hurts, you don't know the pain I'm feeling but most of all you don't know how fucked up life can be when all your friends are heading to different junior colleges and there's no one you know in the junior college you'll be posted to. I don't cry rivers of tears at night for nothing.

I know God has a reason for everything and wherever I go, I have a journey to take. I know my results could have been worse so I need to learn to be content. And all of you may judge me, thinking I don't know my stand or that I need to be satisfied, but you don't know how hard I worked just to get to the dream school I had. And the reality that now faces me.

That I'm just not good enough.

I thank God, I count my blessings and I know this is a beginning of a journey I need to take. I just need a whole lot of time to come to terms with it.

So yeah, to all you busybodies who have been visiting my blog just to find out why I cried like the end of the world on Monday and basically wanted to kill myself...... It's none of your business.

Reflection

2011-01-10T21:41:00.004+08:00

I can't face myself. All I wanna do is hide in a hole and stay there forever but once again, the wonderful MOE has showed its understanding ways by demanding that I finish coming to terms with my results, think about JC, fill in the option form, find out about the different cultures and finalize my plans in less than a week.

I've seriously, never felt more alone my entire life than I do right now.

Abacadabra

2011-01-10T10:59:00.003+08:00

3 hours left.

No matter what, I will accept my fate. (Or like my senior said, God's plan)

RJ or SR, there's a journey for me in there.

I just hope people around me wouldn't be too disappointed.

Adrenaline

2011-01-09T22:29:00.001+08:00

I don't know how to deal with all the butterflies for the next 15 hours.

In just a blink of an eye, it'll be 2PM.

And I will die, bit by bit.

Impending Doom

2011-01-09T12:19:00.003+08:00

Sigh......... I'm worrying excessively.

I don't even think my ENTIRE twitter list was 1/2 this scared while we were taking our O levels.

Doomsday

2011-01-09T00:10:00.002+08:00

This is like, genius-ity. Lol.

ANYWAY IT'S OFFICIALLY SUNDAY WHICH MEANS I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE DAY TILL I FACE REALITY :'( I'm like, terrified. Sigh...... Well, I'm gonna church, spazz with all the churchies collecting results, then lunch with my childhood friends and spazz with them again, and then dinner with my school mates and spazz super bad with them.

A whole day of spazzing awaits. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the anxiousness, the agony, the torture.

I FEEL LIKE DYINGGGGGGGGGG

Smile

2011-01-08T12:49:00.003+08:00

Replay, pause, zoom, play, smile.

Silly girl, in her silly world.

All over again.

I'm such a loser.

Fear

2011-01-04T20:21:00.004+08:00

APPLE DOMINATING OR WHAT

So......... It's 4th of January 2011. School starts for everyone less than 17yearsold and I felt weird. Strange, that I didn't have to come up with excuses, rush out homework or undo my nails. I don't miss going to school, but I definitely miss at least, knowing which school I'm going to.

Dinner at a really secluded Swensons with Joy, Elvina and Bel yesterday :) We had a really really fun time talking about a lot of issues, camwhoring, truth-or-dare-ing (in which everyone obviously chose truth). Then I had dinner today at good old White Tangerine with Ruth, Niki, Amanda, Shabbna and Xinyi, playing bridge, big 2, talking about JCs e.t.c.. And it just came to my mind that the people I'm going to meet in JC aren't gonna be as homely, warm and welcoming as my friends.

I don't deny that some of my friends (and maybe even me) are quite bitchy and mean, but I just feel more comfortable around people who don the white belt! :( PL has been home to me, home to my troubles, fury, sadness and irritation with schoolwork. PL has definitely been my sheltering wall.

"So when we leave it's sheltering walls, we go with fearlessness. Enriched to face life's greatest call, by Paya Lebar MGS."

Indeed, when I leave PL officially on the day of the release of results, I am enriched to face life, and learned for life. But I'm definitely not going to go with fearlessness.

I............ I'm scared :'(

Anxiety creeps inside me all the time, knocking on my heartstrings, reminding me I only have a few more days till the release of results. Nothing can calm me down, nothing at all. Music, breathing, shows... All I can think about is how I can count with two hands, that within one week, my next phase of education will be set.

Sigh, all I can say is, I hope I will reap what I sow :'(

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T17:22:00.005+08:00

Happy New Year everyone :)

I really don't feel anything but well... Let's hope everything goes well for everyone this year! And to all you pitiful students who have to wear your uniform on the 4th of January, cheer up! A whole new experience awaits :)

Honestly, I dedicated my first post of 2011 on tumblr to 2PM. Lol, it's because they have taught me so much about life - trials, separations, moving on and finally being successful. Life may not exactly be running in this order, and may not even have "successful" in it, but I believe the journey where we strive in order to achieve makes us all human, suddenly stronger, having to believe in nothing, but God.

I don't know if I'll be able to adapt well to all the changes and differences in culture of my future junior college, I don't know if I'll come to accept my O level results, but at least I know that God will be with me, and well, I guess that's enough.

FIGHTING!

Goodbye

2010-12-31T17:15:00.002+08:00

So because it's the last day of 2010, I believe there is a need for me to come online and blog.

This past year has been one heck of torture and pain but there are definitely things I should be thankful for, and people that have blessed me so so much (:

I remember saying how I wanted 11months to pass quickly, and that I couldn't stand even the first day of school. Yet now here I am, wondering how on Earth that 11 months passed THIS fast, and how I would never have my first day of school in PL again, listening to boring lectures on discipline and a "fresh new start".

Ahhh, I'm going to miss PL. The Christian culture (although not very christian, but STILL Christ-like), the very caring teachers, the awesome friends and people around you that teach you to "put your faith in God" instead of 'believe in yourself' - the common teaching nowadays.

Sigh, I have lots of thoughts but I can't seem to put it in words. Basically, I'm really thankful to God for bringing me through this year, especially since I cried rivers of tears during O's and needed so much help but he helped me conquer each exam with confidence and His wisdom :)

Oh! And my Mummy got promoted!! ;) After just 8 months of working in this company, she got promoted!!!!! :D It's up to her whether she wants to take the offer or not, but I'm so proud of her. Hahahaha I sound like her mum -.-

K sorry for this non-reflective incoherent post. I don't seem to be thinking a lot nowadays, it probably comes with not reading/writing for close to 2 months straight. Ah.

Well, here comes the serious part.

I had lunch with my Dad today over white carrot cake and milo in a crowded Hawker Centre. Lol, but we talked about my future education and I jokingly went: "If I can't get into Harvard, I'll enter NUS Medicine." Looking at his shocked face, I continued: "But of course I can only go on scholarship lah"

And then he told me "Actually... If you're eligible, we will let you go with or without scholarship. We'll just change our lifestyles.."

I was so, so touched.

Well, this means I can get into my dream university (which isn't Harvard in case you're wondering, even though I would love to go there) as long as I study hard :)

Therefore my 2011 resolution will be to study really really really hard and do very well. I'm coming, dream university!!!!

I just hope I go into a good JC that will help me get there ://///

Phan

2010-12-28T18:00:00.003+08:00

Noomu yeppeo :-)

2PM

2010-12-27T20:51:00.004+08:00

This is 2PM, the group that makes up for the looks (and six-pack) that SHINee lacks. Lol :) Okay I have to admit I've let myself sink too deep into this Korean wave thing I can't get myself out of it anymore ): But you HAVE to admit the guy sitting at the extreme right and the middle looks too good to be true :) Lol, I need to stop posting about things that people don't care about.

So.............. I hope you guys enjoy your last bit of 2010! I actually want to remember the past 365 days because it reminds me so much about God's grace and "peace that surpasses alll understanding", the role my family played as wonderful supporting pillars and my friends who helped me through disappointments and failures. Not to mention there's PL, the school that I'll always love :) Sigh, time to look forward to a new journey.

Hmm. 14MOREDAYSTODOOMSDAYBTW. JUSTSAYING.